I’m angry because I feel like I will never get ahead. I feel like I will work and work and work and never get a break. I say this as I sit here on my comfy sofa, in a robe, drinking a glass of wine. But it’s not as fabulous as it may seem. My robe has a hole above the right pocket where I got caught on a door knob three years ago (something I tend to do on a regular basis) and was swung back, smacking my forehead into the wood. The wine I’m drinking is a big bottle (I don’t know what they’re called) of delicious, cheap $8 pinot grigio. And my comfy sofa, well, I found it on Craiglist, used for $200 three years ago, and have since spilled every thing that could be spilled on it. Good thing the color changes from brown to green to grey depending on the sunlight.
There’s a million things that I need to do tonight and none of them will get done. The heavy weight of debt is affecting my life, but most importantly, my health. I have this strange feeling, like the way they…who the fuck are they anyway?… are predicting and statistics show that people who graduated in 2010 are worse off than graduates of 2011 and 2012….well, I have this strange feeling that people who graduated in 2010 will die younger. Not because I’m being pessimistic or because I am suicidal but because stress affects your health DRAMATICALLY and negatively. That’s the truth. I have a difficult time accumulating enough energy to do anything productive in my free time after work. My lack of motivation has completely vanished. I have cellulite on my upper thigh…never had that before. And my bags under my eyes seem to get bigger and bigger each day. The only mail I receive is notifications of ridiculously high student loan payments and I only get to see my family twice a year. When will it stop? When will I just be able to be excited to wake up?
I will be paying on my student loans until I’m close to 60 years old. I refuse to wait to be happy until then. What are my options to change this routine?
I’m angry because I’m 25 years old and feel like a prisoner in my own life.
Sorry that I’ve been on a hiatus since the holidays. Vivian has been trying to keep this site afloat, but she’s busy too, ya know? Regardless, her updates have been great. I know She nor I have posted a new exhibit since the last amazing one but we’re getting there. We’re trying–I PROMISE! It’s just difficult. All I want to do is hibernate. Please be patient with our struggles.